Sandwich Generation - a term that most women born in the 40s and 50s are familiar with

" During my childhood, I was afraid of my parents. As I grew older my teachers bossed me. Once I got married, I was afraid of my in-laws and my husband. Then my children took over and again I was the subdued one. Now my daughter-in-law has arrived and even though she is a lovely person, I am afraid to say anything to her because she might get offended."

Does this refrain sound familiar? Does it touch a chord somewhere - or do you mock it and wonder which spineless woman is talking in this fashion?

You will be surprised at how many women feel that life has somehow passed them by. Somewhere their individuality has been submerged in the sea of family and obligations. This is the generation of women who we have termed as "the sandwiched generation."

Most of these women were born between 1945 and 1960. They were children when Freedom was achieved and were among the first few who were a part of the education system of Free India.

They grew up in the heady days of Jawaharlal Nehru, Dev Anand, Rajendra Kumar and of course the Beatles. Salwar kameezs were tight fitting, and the dress code was mainly dresses when you were in school and sarees as you grew older.

Many of them studied in colleges and completed their Bachelor's Degrees.

Few sought careers - and those who did found themselves limited to Medicine, Teaching or maybe Law. Marriage was the ultimate goal of the majority of these women, and by the time college had been completed - the process of arranged marriages had begun.

Social life before marriage was limited to films, an occasional group outing and very few mixed parties

There was a sea-change in their lives after marriage.

Suddenly they were asked to play the roles of housewives, daughter-in-laws, sister-in-laws and wives. Most of them were completely unprepared and definitely unqualified for this. But soon the majority of them learnt how to excel in all the roles they played. Their homes were immaculate, their children were nurtured and cherished, and their husbands were given unflinching devotion and support.

But, as they grew older they watched while their children realise their mother's dreams.

'Be yourself' became the mantra of the next generation and 'sacrifice yourself' remained the mantra of their own generation.

Trousers and Designer Suits became the fashion statement of the day, and new and extensive career opportunities became available for all the younger women.

But what about their emotions, their ambitions and their dreams?

Education showed them what they could achieve but society set the parameters of their lives. They went through college and an occasional professional course mechanically, knowing that marriage was the ultimate goal of their lives. The few who considered following a career found that their goals were limited. Any ambitions to do anything different were nipped in the bud by anxious parents and by traditional in-laws.

Today as these women reach their 60s and their children grow up and move out of their homes - the aimlessness of their lives becomes a sore point. Their mothers lived within the confines of their homes and families, quite happily, with few sounds of protests. Their daughters (with some encouragement from their mothers) had moved into careers or professional courses and were beginning to seek out lives of their own.

But sandwiched between them were these ladies - educated, savvy, and intelligent with no place to use their knowledge and expertise.

Where do they stand today?

"Aimless and drifting between family and home."

There will be many who will disagree with this statement - but look around you in the metropolises of India. How many middle aged women can claim to have led a fulfilling individual existence? As mothers, as wives, as housekeepers, as daughter-in-laws they have probably surpassed themselves - but as individual entities - there is an unanswered question there.

Where do we ( since I am one of them also) go from here? Today, we are entering the evenings of our lives - some contented and happy, some wondering about their faint sense of unease - of unfulfilled dreams and lost ambitions. Some have begun to seek fulfillment in avenues such as social work and 'good causes'; others have sought refuge in active social lives. Trim waistlines have been replaced by expanding girths, hair colour is something you generate from a bottle, and diets are something your children should adhere to.

But do not mistake this sense of disquietude for despondency.. We have realized that we are the bulwark of our families. We take credit for their successes - form their backbones when they need support - and provide experienced shoulders when they need something to cry on. We stand proudly and elegantly in society, respected and loved by our families; but with a faint sense of unease and unfulfilled dreams

Elections - why are the educated people not too concerned about them?

What concerns and bothers me :
1. Is there really no alternative to crooks as politicians - surely there are some good ones out there?
2. Why are people so unconcerned about the elections - our vote affects only our area but surely we can raise awareness about the importance of these votes
3. How do we get the politicians to listen to us and stop fighting among themselves - this is definitely a hypothetical question - I must be foolish to expect an answer to it !!
4. Is our future going to be determined by the power of our votes or by the power of which party is able to buy the most members of parliament ?

Every newspaper seems to have nothing but election news as part of their coverage. This is to be expected and basically because elections are an important part of our system of governance.
Then why is it that most of the educated people do not seem to be concerned about it? Is there a sense of dejavu in this, or is it because they feel that their votes do not really matter. Or would they go to vote if they had they the option of voting for NOTA ( none of the above )

These elections are probably going to be the most important after the ones held after the Emergency. The regional parties are beginning to gain prominence and they may hold the key to who rules from New Delhi. We are all complaining about their policies and their ethics and the basis on which they are formed but we cannot ignore their existence. So it becomes imperative that we go out and cast our vote .

I believe - in a lot of what is written below - and in a lot more !!

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born

A Death Certificate shows that we died

Pictures show that we lived!

Have a seat . . . Relax . . .

And read this slowly..

I Believe...

That just because two people argue,

It doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
It doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if
We understand that friends change.

I Believe....
That no matter how good a friend is,

They're going to hurt you every once in a while

And you MUST forgive them for that.

I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow,

Even over the longest distance.

I Believe.....
That you can do something in an instant
That will give you heartache for life.

I Believe....
That you should always leave loved ones with
Loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe....
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,

Regardless of the consequences.

I Believe....
That my best friend and I,

Can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe.....
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down,

Will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry,

I have the right to be angry,
But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe....
That maturity has more to do with

What types of experiences you've had
And what you've learned from them

And less to do with

How many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe....
That it isn't always enough,

To be forgiven by others..

Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken

The world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe....
That our background and circumstances

May have influenced who we are,
But, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find
Out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe....
Two people can look at the exact same
Thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of
Hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give,

When
A friend cries out to you -

You will find the strength to help.

I Believe...
That credentials on the wall

Do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life

Are taken from you too soon.

I Believe...
That you should send this to

All of the people that you love and believe in,

I just did.

'The happiest of people don't necessarily

Have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything.

Thank you God for all the wonderful people who have helped

Me throughout my journey of life..

What is a grandparent ?

All of us have our own definitions of what define us as grandparents - but here is one from the viewpoint of 8 year olds - amusing, touching and very true.
Where do we get the patience to do all this - and where was this patience when our own children were growing up?

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
(Taken from papers written by a
class of 8-year-old American kids)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.


A 6-YEAR-OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER, WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''

GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!